By Dr Jolanta Burke, CPsychol, RCSI
I have always struggled with the notion of resilience as merely the ability to bounce back.
For decades, we’ve viewed adversity as a thief that robs us of our health and wellbeing. When a child born into a family of alcoholics or drug addicts overcomes their circumstances and goes on to lead a life filled with meaning, we celebrate their resilience. Similarly, when a grieving child recovers from anxiety or depression, we praise their remarkable ability to bounce back.
Sometimes, we take it a step further and admire people’s growth after a traumatic or stressful event. When a teacher is injured in a car crash, they take time to heal and return with a renewed sense of purpose. They may see themselves as stronger than before, reassess their priorities, and recognise who their true friends are. Similarly, when a child’s parents divorce, after the initial upheaval, the child adapts to life with two homes, parents living separate lives and life moving on. Eventually, the child begins to view it as a benefit, not nuisance and are overjoyed about having friends around both their homes and getting two sets of birthday presents. In both cases, they move beyond resilience, experiencing growth through adversity or bouncing back and beyond.
Stories of bouncing back and growth as markers of resilience can be inspiring, but they also place immense pressure on those facing tough times. “When will I bounce back?” a 12-year old girl once asked me, after her parents moved her home yet again and she had to find a new group of friends. She felt weak, incomplete, and inadequate because she waited for that moment of “bouncing back” which was yet to come. When a 10-year old boy was diagnosed with ADHD, he hoped that one day he would adjust to his diagnosis and find his rhythm in this confusing world. In the meantime, however, he felt the weight of his diagnosis as he tried to come to terms with his new normal. When the progress of adjustment didn’t come quickly, he began to feel like he was the problem, unable to bounce back.
The issue isn’t with young people who are praised for their ability to bounce back, but with the outdated concept of resilience introduced 50 years ago—a definition many still cling to today. This older view places immense pressure on a child facing challenges to return (not progress) to their previous sense of “normal,” even if that state wasn’t ideal. It considered resilience as an end goal: “Someday I will reach a better, healthier place and I won’t be sad anymore”. But this idea is preposterous and the expectation is unrealistic, given life’s ebbs and flows. Resilience, after all, is not a destination, but a process that helps us adapt to a new reality.
This is why I prefer a different definition of resilience—one that acknowledges the complexities of health. A definition that focuses on pupils’ strengths and stays clear from comparing them to the “normal” state they aspire to get to. A definition that acknowledges their wellbeing, regardless of where they are on a continuum of wellness or adjustment to the new circumstances.
According to this perspective, resilience is about finding and negotiating for resources. It’s a child’s ability to take action to change their circumstances, regardless of where they are at in their adaptation process. After being bullied, a resilient child is a child who approaches a teacher and asks for help. It is a child that searches online ways in which they could address bullying.
When parents have been diagnosed with mental health issues, a resilient child is the one that seeks out help for their parents, helps them with household duties or negotiates with teachers to reduce the extensive homework they gave their younger sibling. A resilient child is a child that can actively search for pathways that help them live a good life regardless of their circumstances, not a child that bounces back to the state before their parents’ illness.
This new definition of resilience, introduced by Dr Michael Ugar, a Director of the Resilience Research Centre at Dalhousie University, indicates a process of personal growth rather than wishful thinking of becoming someone else to the person we are today. This type of resilience is more accessible to all pupils and we can help them develop their strengths and access valuable resources more effectively than waiting and hoping to bounce back.
So, from now on, let us not talk about pupils bouncing back. Instead, let us praise them for their ability to grow each day, search and negotiate for intellectual, social, or physical resources that can help them resolve problems and live a better life. After all, this is what resilience is all about.
